Generally, I love being single. I don’t have to watch movies I don’t like. I don’t have to feign an interest in academic subjects that sound completely soul-less. And, I don’t have to spend money on impressing someone. I get to spend tons of time reading, listening to music and hanging out with my dog.
I find it disturbing to have one of my favorite rituals besmirched by romance…or a lack thereof. My apartment bears the aromatic wafts of fragrant Tide (I never let my laundry dry completely and have to hang it all around my room because I’m impatient), but I am left feeling lonely. Usually this fragrance (alongside my unmentionables draped around my furniture) leaves me refreshed at my singularity. But, today it makes me wish I had someone to share laundry with, someone to be frustrated that my underwear are in plain sight, someone to make me wait until my clothes are actually dry before removing them from the dryer.
Perhaps most aggravating of all is that I spent the majority of my time at the laundromat (while reading about liminality and communitas--how we are at points on the fringe of society, and at others we are soaked in it) thinking about a recent conversation with a friend about the difference between loving and being in love.
I'm not sure this is either a revelation, or a very important distinction, but it helps me order my inner and outer world (which, I think Mary Douglas might appreciate). So, what's the difference?
To love is a choice. It is directional. A person (or people) act.
I love you. You may also love me. But we are in love.
To be in love is to be located there, to be submerged in love. Love is the very environment in which we live.
Maybe a person needs both. Maybe not.
Then again, as someone who has never been in love (oh, I have loved...and fervently), perhaps I am not privy to some secret understanding of love. I do not endeavor to dichotomize these two types. I hope only to posit my definitions as a possible reading of two of the many ways that we experience love. For me, it helps as I reflect on past relationships, on the love of my parents for their partners, and on the love I see in some people's faces. I don't know that one form of love can sustain us a lifetime. Such a dynamic experience and emotion must have a wide array of expressions. Maybe there's a point at which the choice to love can grow into an environment of love. I have heard descriptions of this relayed from arranged marriages. Then again, what starts as a total immersion in love has to at some point be a choice to continue that love.
As I pick up another t-shirt I cannot help but laugh at how funny it is that such a mundane task as folding my laundry has caused me to meditate on love and its many functions/actions. I guess this is what happens when you spend all your time thinking.
I'm revisiting this post now, after a day filled with celebration. Two of my friends celebrated their engagement today (congrats Tim and Jake!) and another friend and I carved pumpkins. I'm continually struck by how when I feel the most lonely, I am reminded of how truly loved I am. Carving pumpkins with two couples, it never once crossed my mind that I was single. The whole time I kept thinking, This is great! I love wasting time with friends. As I reflect now, the last thing I was doing was wasting time. The time I spend with the people I love is an investment. And, I am blessed to be so rich in this currency.
With musings on love and pumpkin guts behind me, I think I can safely say that today was a great day.
Am I still single? Yes. Am I alone? Not in the slightest.
Cuddling up with my pup and cup of tea,
Sierra
I'm not sure this is either a revelation, or a very important distinction, but it helps me order my inner and outer world (which, I think Mary Douglas might appreciate). So, what's the difference?
To love is a choice. It is directional. A person (or people) act.
I love you. You may also love me. But we are in love.
To be in love is to be located there, to be submerged in love. Love is the very environment in which we live.
Maybe a person needs both. Maybe not.
Then again, as someone who has never been in love (oh, I have loved...and fervently), perhaps I am not privy to some secret understanding of love. I do not endeavor to dichotomize these two types. I hope only to posit my definitions as a possible reading of two of the many ways that we experience love. For me, it helps as I reflect on past relationships, on the love of my parents for their partners, and on the love I see in some people's faces. I don't know that one form of love can sustain us a lifetime. Such a dynamic experience and emotion must have a wide array of expressions. Maybe there's a point at which the choice to love can grow into an environment of love. I have heard descriptions of this relayed from arranged marriages. Then again, what starts as a total immersion in love has to at some point be a choice to continue that love.
As I pick up another t-shirt I cannot help but laugh at how funny it is that such a mundane task as folding my laundry has caused me to meditate on love and its many functions/actions. I guess this is what happens when you spend all your time thinking.
I'm revisiting this post now, after a day filled with celebration. Two of my friends celebrated their engagement today (congrats Tim and Jake!) and another friend and I carved pumpkins. I'm continually struck by how when I feel the most lonely, I am reminded of how truly loved I am. Carving pumpkins with two couples, it never once crossed my mind that I was single. The whole time I kept thinking, This is great! I love wasting time with friends. As I reflect now, the last thing I was doing was wasting time. The time I spend with the people I love is an investment. And, I am blessed to be so rich in this currency.
With musings on love and pumpkin guts behind me, I think I can safely say that today was a great day.
Am I still single? Yes. Am I alone? Not in the slightest.
Cuddling up with my pup and cup of tea,
Sierra
My sweet pumpkin
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