Fear of the Rain

Somewhere in the middle of who-knows-where-Massachusetts, the sky opened up. An hour and a half into my bike ride I was faced with my worst fear--rain.

Earlier in the morning I had stood at my bedroom window, decked out in my cycling gear, trying to judge the clouds. "Is it supposed to rain?" I asked my roommate.

"Maybe in the late evening, but only a little," he replied.

I stood for a while longer, contemplating the temperament of the sky. Would it hold out until I arrived in Ipswich or would the clouds rumble with anger, pouring down upon me and my bike? Unsure, I decided to risk it. Better to ride and turn around before reaching my ideal length than not to ride at all. As I got onto Georgiana, my bike, I hoped for clear weather.

In the rain twenty miles from home, my hopes failed. Water running down my face, I wondered, Do I turn around or do I go on? Will the rain get worse? Unable to decide, I kept pushing.

After a few minutes, I realized that I could keep going. The rain was not so bad. I smiled to myself and pulled out a Lara bar for a snack. As I munched on that delicious mixture of almonds and dates, I believed for the first time that I could actually complete the 545 mile ride from San Francisco to LA.

Laughing, I realized that my training thus far had been a series of thinking of the worst possible thing that could happen on that day's ride, hoping it wouldn't, and then facing it. When I first got my bike, I had hoped I wouldn't get a flat. Then, I did. And my roommate showed me how to fix it. On the next ride, I had hoped that the route wouldn't be too difficult. Then for forty of the sixty miles, I climbed up and descended down steep hills. On this rainy day, I had hoped for clear skies and been met with April's showers.

I feel that training has become this opportunity to face my deepest fears and defeat them. I can ride in the rain. I can ride hills. I can fix a flat. If all that is true, then maybe I really can do this. Maybe I can bike 545 miles in seven days. And, if I can do that, then what can't I do? It really seems that the world is opening up in a whole new way for me and, maybe for the first time ever, I really believe that I can get whatever I want from it. Now, I just have to decide. Not a bad place to be. Not a bad place at all.