Fighting Demons

I've been watching an inordinate amount of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Well, and Angel, the spin-off. As a child, I never watched the show. We didn't have television when I was a wee one and I think that perhaps it might have been a little too over my head, though I have a great number of friends who are my age and watched the show when it came out.

Watching the show fifteen years after it came out, I cannot believe how much I love it. A tiny blonde girl kicking serious demonic tail. She whines a lot, broods about, and continually pushes people away. And, I love her. I am compelled to defend Buffy when I talk to friends about the show and for someone who really hates television about high school (I did not really love it when I was there, so not a huge fan of re-living it), I cannot stop watching. I don't want to.

Buffy has special powers. She is special. Her gift and her duty is to fight vampires and evil, but it also means she has to fight evil. There are times where she tries to change her calling, or to avoid fighting, but she is always called back. Sometimes her friends and family need her protection and sometimes evil comes to her doorstep. There are innumerable waves of demons she must face. But, even the worst evil that is outside of her cannot compare to what she fights inside.

She has to come to terms with her gifts and responsibility while continuing to develop as a person. She must learn to rely on the people around her. She must learn to love and trust her family and her friends. She must learn that what is inside her, her own strength, is the only thing that will carry her through the darkest nights and battles. She cannot do it alone, yet she must learn to harness her own inner strength. The demons inside her remind me of St. Teresa's book The Interior Castle, where the scariest thing one must face lies within.

Maybe it is no coincidence or surprise that at this time in my life where I am trying to understand my own self and my calling in life that I have stumbled upon Buffy and her interior struggle. I am busy fighting my own demons both within and without. Coming to terms with what gifts I might have, what my connection to my friends and family means, and what my "call" might look like (Good lord...I've been in Divinity School for entirely too long)--all this seems to be reflected in the story of Buffy and her friends.

But as for me, why be mysterious? Why not come clean to my loyal audience? Well, suspense is what brings the fun to life (and makes someone compulsively watch television). I guess you'll just have to tune in again soon to know what I'm thinking and what form it takes. For once, I'm taking time arrange my hand, holding my cards close to my chest until the moment is right. But, I promise, eventually the time will come when I have to be all in. But until then, my chips and my time are precious and I won't go wasting either on anything but a full house.