On meaning: Aurora and Life

Of course, I've been thinking about Aurora a lot. And, I hate to meditate on something so violent and senseless, but it seems only fair to pause and remember those who were lost in some way or another. I don't really know what I'm supposed to say right now, but I do want to acknowledge their lives. Death tears lives apart, always. But, senseless violence taken out on people in one of their most vulnerable states? That is, indeed, without meaning.

Unlike many columnists or friends on facebook or Batman enthusiasts or criminal psychologists, I refuse to seek meaning in events like what unfolded in Theater Nine in Aurora. There is no meaning. That is the true result of taking a life. Maybe I've studied philosophy too long or not long enough, or perhaps I'm just a child, but I don't want to make meaning of death. I want to recognize it for it's life altering and shattering meaninglessness.

I am devastated by what happened in Aurora. Every time someone asks me if I know anyone who was hurt, I say no. Inevitably, that answer is met with a moment of thanksgiving on the part of the other person. And, I feel shame. I didn't know anyone from Theater Nine. I'm not from Aurora (though my biological mother lives there and some of my friends from college come from that area). But, I hate that the lack of loss on my part means I should feel relieved. I don't. Lives are lost everyday from coast to coast and around the world. Some people are lucky and die of old age. Others are struck down by disease and violence. Others take their own lives. I'm sorry, but for me there is no great comfort in this. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. This is death. And it's pointless. To pretend otherwise is to risk legitimizing too many evils.

I know this is pessimistic. I know this is not a side of me you are used to reading. It's not one I'm used to sharing, really. But, the flip side of the meaninglessness of death is the great meaning of life. Suddenly, our everyday is cast in a brilliant light of thanksgiving. We are lucky, you and I. We are lucky to read and to love and to fight and to make meaning(s) every moment of every day, even when we just want to watch a movie and forget about our own ability to think. Even then, we make meaning of what we see. We are encouraged by powerful protagonists and we can't help but feel for certain villains. We are empathetic despite ourselves. And, that my friends, is the beauty of life.

Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to go kiss my boyfriend and thank the sun that I'm awake and full of life today.

For a great read on how we counter meaninglessness with meaning, here's an article by Senator Michael Johnston: http://blogs.denverpost.com/opinion/2012/07/20/face-hate-displayed-aurora-theater-shootings-love/21847/