Sukkot

I don't know if I've told ya'll this, but I work in the Office of Religious and Spiritual Life at Harvard Divinity School (I know, I know. Two jobs...but such is life). Anyway, on Wednesdays we have a service that is hosted by a different religious/spiritual group each week. This week was hosted by the Jewish Student Association, and it was one of the most amazing services I've ever been to.

In celebration of Sukkot (the feast of booths), we met under the Sukkah, a temporary structure erected during this seven-day holiday and removed after. Different students led songs, or offered prayers, but I was most struck by a classmate named Max's address in the middle. He spoke about the way the Sukkah recalls a wedding tent and how the Sukkot celebration itself is much like a wedding ceremony. Both are times for celebration, but both are also times marking transition.

Max talked about the way Sukkot is a time to celebrate the harvest, but also a time to look forward to what is next. A time to ask ourselves: So what? What is next? He compared this question to the way when a wedding ceremony is over, the question is: What will you do together with the rest of your life?

Max laughed as he considered that question. He smiled to himself, cocked his head to the side and said again, "So, what now?" My eyes welled with tears and I wondered to myself: "Yeah. What now, Sierra?" Then Max said: "Just like these New England trees, we are in transition," followed by a quote from someone whose name I cannot remember: "The only sin is to be stuck."

The honeymoon is over at HDS, but I am certainly not stuck. Max's words are such a relief as I realize that I am in transition, that I will always be in transition, and that thankfully, that means I am alive. I am still alive, still moving, still learning, still growing. Everyday a new idea pops into my head. Everyday a new theorist or a new article piques my interest. Everyday I am living the most perfect and beautiful life I could imagine.

-Sierra

p.s. I am attaching some photos just so you can get a glimpse of my lovely life here...and because my new phone has a camera and I'm just so excited to be able to share!

My two fantastic housemates! Mike and Ace!

Hunter and Tex's feet. I really like this photo. Hope they don't get mad.

What a boy!

As the Dog Days Dissipate.

I've been writing two different blog posts for the last week or so. One is about fear and the other is about the relief that autumn brings--escape from heat, return to books, and those sweet moments when I realize I have a new life here. However, it would be false to pretend that either one (fear or relief/contentedness) could stand alone. They are two parts of the same experience, two shades of the same color, two essential threads of the cloth of autumn.

A mentor once told me that autumn is frequently viewed as the season of release. The time to let things go. Given that statement, no wonder it is a time marked by fear and relief. I find it is always frightening to let go of something I am accustomed to or to relinquish control over something, whether or not it is good for me. And, yet to be free again, shew. That is quite a feeling. This fall, for me, is a time to release all the dreams I have for my life. Not to give up on them, but to just let them be for a while, to let myself be. And, to be here. It's terrifying. Thinking about PhD applications, or projects I might want to do, or the possible (and some inevitable) failures I will encounter can make my head spin. A healthy dose of that can be good, I find. But, I take great solace in Okhi Forest's words: "To be fearless is not to get rid of fear or to numb yourself to it, but to experience your fears even more strongly."

While these meditations on fear swirl about my brain, I also can't help but breathe a little easier. There's something visceral about the way cooler weather affects me. My posture is more relaxed, my sense of humor less cutting, my time less "valuable" (meaning I just hang out more readily). Oh! And, I like my fall clothes a lot better.

As I reflect on these dual processes at work, I wonder if perhaps they are not two separate entities at all. Maybe the former is a product of the latter. As I relax and become more comfortable with myself and my life, surely fears will come up (as they say, life isn't all beer and skittles). But perhaps by embracing fear and facing it head on, it reduces the power of fear over my life. Perhaps it is through fear that relief comes. Then again, maybe I'm reading too much philosophy and still recovering from the heat. ;)

Fearlessly, contentedly, authentically,

Sierra

The bees envy me.

This may seem like a ridiculous start to a blog entry. And it is. But just listen to it while you read.

As long as I can remember I've wanted for this to be someone's "song" for me. You know what I mean, heart-breaking-every-time-you-hear-it-you-think-of-your-sweetie-song. Why you may ask? Besides the fact that is adorable and classic, I have always found a lot that I figured would make someone think of me. Here's my logic:

How does seeing a redhead like Sierra turn your day around? Answer: Like sunshine on a cloudy day.
When was Sierra born? Answer: the month of may
What did I guess you'd say? Answer: my girl (aka: Sierra)

But lately, I feel like I don't need someone else to make this their love song for me. I think this is my love song for my life. Maybe that's cheesy, maybe it's an overstatement, but a girl can't stand around forever waiting for someone else to love her life, can she?

The other night I dreamed that I was rummaging through jars of honey while bees buzzed around my head. I was not panicky nor was I frightened. I was diligent. I was persistent. I was intelligent and I was pleased. It was as if this tedious and hard work was worthwhile even if I didn't find the right "jar". All summer, I've had bees on the brain. When a crew remodeled a facade of a building on campus, a bee hive was found and no one could walk on that lawn for a few days, so as to let the bees settle down. I also learned that a friends' painting company merely paints over the hives they find on homes. Bees seem to be everywhere for me right now.

Their metaphorical presence is not lost on me. They inspire me to work hard to create symmetry, form, beauty, and sweetness in my life. And, they remind to appreciate the sweetness I have found, especially in the camaraderie of my new friends Tex and Hunter (of course, I would move from Colorado to make friends with characters bearing such names as these) and in the joy and love I cherish daily from long time friends and family. As The Temptations would say: "I've got so much honey, the bees envy me."