What's next?

Oddly, it feels like I'm finishing up a lot right now. I've found a job, so the wonder (and terror) around that is mostly over. I finished my first novel, so the constant grind of editing and writing and rewriting is over (for now). I've opened a checking account, exercised the dog, planned out my vacations (and weekends) for the next few months, and gotten settled in my new apartment. Really, what's left?

Well, that's how I feel for about two minutes. And, then I start working on the storyboard for my new novel. Who are the characters? What are they worried about? What happens first? What's next? It's rather exciting. And, I gotta get that "old" novel to some publishers. Luckily, I have a few literary type friends reading it and giving some critique, but I gotta get it on to the professionals. Gotta try to find an agent. And, I have to do my job. What will it be like to get up at 6:30am everyday? Will I be good at it? Which bus should I take? Where will I sit while at work? Will lunch breaks be awkward? What will my everyday look like? What will I do when I don't get to see Jason every thirty seconds? (No, really. This is causing me some stress)

So, as much as it feels like things are ending, only a fool would forget that infamous lyric: "Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. Yeah."

That leaves me at one exact point in time: the beginning (which just so happens to be the end).

Joy and Luck

Yikes. So, it's been a while. A long while. Since we last spoke, I packed everything I owned, drove a truck cross-country with Jason and Ace, interviewed for and secured a job, went camping, visited Pagosa, furnished an apartment, got a new driver's license, registered to vote, and so much more. It's really been a whirlwind since August 5 (about 6 weeks ago...again, yikes). I've vacillated between real, tangible fear that I will never find a job and elation at living in this new and engaging city. I've been high and low and in between. Ace and Jason have kept me steady when my own legs feel a bit like jelly and it's really the idea of creating a home and a life that has kept me afloat when the bad days have come.

Lately, though, I've had a distinct feeling that my life is almost too good. My mom, Betty, described a similar suspicion to me. She was standing at Niagara Falls when it hit her. She had honestly never thought she would get to see this natural phenomenon and while standing there with my oldest sister, she thought of when the Psalmist said, "my cup runneth over" (23:5). As soon as she shared this story with me, Goosebumps ran up my legs and tears welled in my eyes. That was it. This was the idea I'd been searching for. You see, even at my most frightened (and I've felt more genuine fear this summer than I have in a long, long time), I couldn't help but feel that everything was okay. And even more, that I was living a charmed existence.

My cup runneth over, simply put. I have a partner who loves me. A dog who is happy and well-behaved. Many of my friends live in my city. I have an amazing apartment. I landed a great job where everyone is excited for me to start on Sept 25. I finished my novel. My parents gave me the car I learned to drive in (and are helping me budget to buy a new-to-me car in a year). What can I complain about? Yeah, things are tight financially. Yeah, Jas and I have some kinks to work out. Yeah, I have to learn how to live my life for myself, but in concert with another human being. Yeah, I think I can do all that.

Thanks for reading. I hope my happiness doesn't come across as bragging. I feel lucky. And, above that, I feel humbled by my own luck. The world can be a harsh and violent place, but today, it's a place I love.



Ace and Jason enjoying a heartfelt reunion after Jason (oh so brazenly) waded out into deep water.

Carbondale, CO