Fear of the Rain

Somewhere in the middle of who-knows-where-Massachusetts, the sky opened up. An hour and a half into my bike ride I was faced with my worst fear--rain.

Earlier in the morning I had stood at my bedroom window, decked out in my cycling gear, trying to judge the clouds. "Is it supposed to rain?" I asked my roommate.

"Maybe in the late evening, but only a little," he replied.

I stood for a while longer, contemplating the temperament of the sky. Would it hold out until I arrived in Ipswich or would the clouds rumble with anger, pouring down upon me and my bike? Unsure, I decided to risk it. Better to ride and turn around before reaching my ideal length than not to ride at all. As I got onto Georgiana, my bike, I hoped for clear weather.

In the rain twenty miles from home, my hopes failed. Water running down my face, I wondered, Do I turn around or do I go on? Will the rain get worse? Unable to decide, I kept pushing.

After a few minutes, I realized that I could keep going. The rain was not so bad. I smiled to myself and pulled out a Lara bar for a snack. As I munched on that delicious mixture of almonds and dates, I believed for the first time that I could actually complete the 545 mile ride from San Francisco to LA.

Laughing, I realized that my training thus far had been a series of thinking of the worst possible thing that could happen on that day's ride, hoping it wouldn't, and then facing it. When I first got my bike, I had hoped I wouldn't get a flat. Then, I did. And my roommate showed me how to fix it. On the next ride, I had hoped that the route wouldn't be too difficult. Then for forty of the sixty miles, I climbed up and descended down steep hills. On this rainy day, I had hoped for clear skies and been met with April's showers.

I feel that training has become this opportunity to face my deepest fears and defeat them. I can ride in the rain. I can ride hills. I can fix a flat. If all that is true, then maybe I really can do this. Maybe I can bike 545 miles in seven days. And, if I can do that, then what can't I do? It really seems that the world is opening up in a whole new way for me and, maybe for the first time ever, I really believe that I can get whatever I want from it. Now, I just have to decide. Not a bad place to be. Not a bad place at all.

A week off

My house is a mess. I'm half asleep. My dog is sprawled out on my bed with Mr. Moose. It is that time of the semester. Only this time, it is summed in two words instead of one: writing and riding. I'm on my bike or in the books.

I hope you will allow me this week off (since I already missed my post day) and know that I will be back with something really good next week. Until then, look at this cutie.

A final month...

In exactly one month from today, I will mark the end of the first quarter century of my life. Unlike other years spent celebrating my birthday through parties and lots of attention, I will spend my 25^th birthday in quiet reflection on a 90-mile ride (likely followed by a couple of celebratory pints). Ha!

That said, this year instead of anyone buying gifts or throwing a party (with all the monetary concerns that creates) I ask that everyone consider donating to my participation in the ride. I am 45% of the way to my goal and I would love your support to help me finish raising $3000 that will go to the San Francisco Aids Project.

I know that my second quarter century is going to be filled with amazing accomplishments and adventures. How could it not be when the first year will be filled with the ALC Ride, spending my summer in the UK working for the EEFC, and finishing my Masters degree at Harvard?

Here's to my final month of being twenty four!

Community

I love this word. Community. I think it covers all manners of evil, but I think it also fills in for spaces where  we're not sure what to say or write. This weekend, I witnessed the evolution of the latter from what has sometimes been the unfortunate happenstance of the former.

My desire to be a part of creating and facilitating community came to fruition in a unique and real way this weekend. There is a group of us here at the Divinity School who are striving to foster the development of spirituality and sexuality in a common space and we took the weekend to go on a retreat to talk about what this all means. To me, this is one of the most ambitious and awe-inspiring missions I have ever seen take flight.

We talked about ourselves and each other, our pasts and our futures, our gifts and our curses. I laughed and I cried (because I'm a baby). I shared and I hid. Something revolutionary is in the making here at HDS and I am so lucky to be a part of the greatness. As I write this terribly vague description, I am reminded of the the fact that this revolution is likely taking place inside me, too. I feel that I am finding my voice and my place and my gifts and my calling to come forth into the world in new and exciting ways constantly.

I am putting in the time to cultivate the skills that I want to take forward into the future, but I am also embracing the rainfall and the sunshine that are limiting and necessary parts of this process. I am not a lone farmer, fighting the elements alone. I am, instead, part of a community here and in the world at large. Together, we will raise the crops to sustain us.

Yours in sleepy serenity.

From bikes to protests to the UK

This has been a crazy week of highs and lows, and I'm not just talking about the weather! Now that I've typed that, I realize that you can't actually see me leaning forward and winking. It's a joke that really only works with the visual effect. And, with being present in Boston....Well, I guess that's one way to start my fifty-first entry.

Despite that bad joke, it really has been a week to remember. It started fine with me kicking my training into high gear. With only 63 days until we hit the road, there's really no time to waste (and that goes for fundraising, too. If you haven't yet, will you please consider donating to the cause?). My training schedule has me either cycling or running six days a week, which has kicked my metabolism up a notch as well. Basically, I've been eating anything and everything constantly. Lots of black beans in this girl's diet at the moment.

My coursework seems to have entered a particularly intense phase lately as well. I spend almost the entirety of my weekend reading and writing for class, followed by a whirlwind of a Monday through Wednesday shoving information into my tiny brain. I'm enjoying the majority of my reading and almost all of my class time, but it has definitely lost the shiny quality school had a few months ago.

At the height of the intensity of courses and training on Wednesday morning, I got a flat tire. On my new bike. While my other bike was in the shop for a flat tire. I was devastated. There is something about the way a bike with a flat makes that dull thud sound that just rips my soul open. I cannot even begin to describe the utter horror of that moment of realization--not a flat! Of course, I had waited until the absolute last second to leave my apartment to go to school, so I was completely stressed out of my head. Piled on top of that was my general exhaustion from training and the long trek toward spring (every time I think we've arrived, it seems there is another snow storm around the bend. I've come to believe spring doesn't exist in Boston).

In the midst of juggling classes, training, and work, I got involved with a protest. This weekend a conference was organized on Harvard's campus that featured some of the most virulently homophobic and Islamophobic speakers I've ever had the great pleasure of meeting. I stood alongside many peers and friends from the Divinity School, the Extension School, and the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences to educate, raise awareness, and hold the speakers and the conference organizers responsible. We even got our letter published on Change.org. It was a hugely challenging and monumentally rewarding effort that involved a less than friendly interaction with the police (but I guess that's what happens when you represent a threat to the authoritative structures).

Now that I've drawn the concentric circles of my week, I can tell you about the nugget in the middle. I was awarded a grant to work in the UK at the East of England Faiths Council from mid-June through the end of August! I am so excited about the work I will be doing there (which includes research and outreach, duh, my two favorite things) and the people I will be getting to work with. Furthermore, I think spending a summer trying my hand at this will give me a chance to see if this is work I could do on a full-time scale. And, who doesn't want to spend a summer with the Brits? Think of all the tea I'll drink!

Don't worry about Ace. He'll be spending the summer learning and growing in Colorado with Aunt Chloe and Cousin Barney. I think he'll be glad to be away from the Bostonian humidity and heat (if we were both going to be here for the summer, I was going to shave him...which probably would have been hilarious).

I've got quite a summer ahead of me it seems. There's a lot to do between now and then, but for the rest of this weekend, I plan on basking in the excitement. And, maybe looking up the rules to Settlers of Catan so I can beat Hunter and Tex next time we play.