Dot's Arrival: the end of an era

I paced the apartment, wandering from the kitchen to the living room to peer out the window. Still no sign of arrival. I wrung my hands over each other. I sat down on the couch, pulling Ace toward me. I kissed his head, smelled deeply of his fur. He hadn't had a bath for at least a month. I added a line to my mental checklist: wash Ace. I wondered how much things would change in the next day, week, month...hell, the next hour.

My phone rang and my stomach jumped. Alex had arrived. I gated Ace into the bedroom and ran down the stairs. As I opened the door to the street, my redheaded friend from college brought my father and stepmother's red-furred dog around the side of the car. Little Dot, disoriented and scared, looked up at me and barked. Then she wagged her little Australian cattle dog stub of a tail with a look of recognition breaking across her face and bounded toward me. I took her leash and fought back tears. She was here; Dot had made it home.

A week and a half earlier, my sister Ash had texted me in the middle of the morning. Look at facebook. I checked my feed to find that Maggie was asking if anyone knew of someone in a place that they could take Dot. With only half a thought and a thirty-two second phone call to Jason, I offered to take her. Maggie explained that the loss of my father had not only broken Maggie down, but it had also brought something out in Dot. She had become unmanageable, acting out and trying to isolate Maggie from everyone around her through aggressive behavior. Maggie and I had surmised that Dot was in as much pain as we were and that perhaps we could offer both Maggie and Dot a little respite so that they (and we) could grieve. Ashleigh was relieved to hear the news; Maggie was relieved and scared and sad; I was scared and relieved and just wished Dad were there to know what to do. But, we Fleenor women did our best to stick together and take care of our little Fleenor girl.

The next ten days were filled with hard conversations where I told Maggie it was okay and Maggie told me it was okay and Ashleigh and Jason told us both it was okay. This may have been the hardest decision Maggie has ever had to make and her belief that Dot would be safe with me is one of the most humbling things I have ever experienced. We were all a bit shaky.

After several failed attempts to figure out a carrier service, my friend Alex offered to give Dot a ride to Denver since she was moving out this way from LA. Then, suddenly after all my planning and waiting and worrying, Dot arrived on my doorstep. I called Maggie to let her know Dot had made it and together we cried.

Since that time, Dot has become a part of the family. She sleeps next to us at night and walks with us in the morning. She whines when we are slow to get out of bed and grunts with little pig noises when she is happy. She is beautiful and smart and every day I get to see the years of training my father invested in her. She is part of me now.

I know I haven't written about my father's death yet. To be honest, I've only really begun to understand what his death means to me and I'm not sure I have the words for most of that yet, but I do know one thing: when Dot came to live in Colorado, it changed me. Her presence has allowed me to grieve in a way that I couldn't have imagined I would need.

With Dot's arrival and my father's death, it's time for some things to cease and new things to start. This will be my last entry on Chow Tails. In the coming months, I may be blogging and I may not. If you're interested in where those posts *might* appear, you can find me at: http://quitesimplyreflections.wordpress.com/

As you can imagine, this blog may be a lot darker than Chow Tails. I trust if you read it, you are prepared for that.

Thank you for reading about me and Ace for the last three years. You've been with us to Boston and back; you were here when my grandfather died; you've been around for the arrival of Jason on the scene; and with this final post, you have met Dot. I wish you all the best in the world and I hope to see you all in the flesh soon.